I try to keep my internet rants to a bare minimum but for once I feel that the steam I want to blow off could potentially benefit others to hear, so I’m going to share. Gather round kids, it’s fucking education time.
Here’s the bottom line: I’m an actual human being. I work as an entertainer – for my style of camming it’s a part of a job well done to be friendly, inviting, welcoming, positive and bubbly. People have come to know my online persona as such and it’s profitable and fun for me to live that to it’s fullest. It’s not to say that I’m “faking it” – I do genuinely possess these qualities. It’s just that if you seem to think I’m some unicorn who’s always nice to everyone and who’s going to be 100% friendly and loving and caring and coddling and sympathetic and cute and perfect all the fucking time, you are in for a reality check. I’m not. I’m a living, breathing, multidimensional human being and if you annoy me, I’ll be annoyed. If you piss me off, I’ll be pissed off. If you and I don’t click, as much as I’d love to click with absolutely everyone I ever meet, then we just don’t click.
If you say you have trouble talking to girls in the real world yet feel strangely comfortable talking with me, you need to take a second to remember that I am a girl in the real world. I am not any different than women who have rejected or annoyed you throughout the ages – I reject people. I annoy people. I have not developed meaningful, lasting friendships with every person who has ever talked to me or shown me attention in real life, so why on earth would it be different over the internet?
If the obvious factor here is money, then you’re right. Just the same as the obvious factor for a Starbucks barista being nice to everyone who orders a coffee, my job would be insufferable if I spat fire all the time. I get paid, by and large, for being nice and making people feel good about themselves. I’m not the type of person to be irritated all the time, either – like I said, I am honestly a pretty relaxed, friendly type of person. But I have real human being feelings and I have tastes and I don’t immediately gravitate toward every ‘Nice Guy™’ who wants me to pay attention to them. This is life. This is the same reality that you face outside of the cam world. I am a real living breathing woman.
On MFC, I am a fantasy and I’m okay with that. I realize I offer content for sale that gives members a chance to get to know me off MFC – what I want to establish in that connection is that if a real friendship grows, I’m not a fantasy anymore. If you want to be sweet talked and reassured twelve times a day and continue believing that I’m a two dimensional fairy woman, then stick to MFC because more often than not, that’s what I’ll be. Getting to know me off the site means you … actually get to know me. Beyond that, I actually get to know you, too, and guess what? We might not get along! We might fight! We might piss each other off! We might not click! Because that is real life and that is human connection and if you think I’m different because I was different while I was working then buddy, you weren’t in it for a friendship with me, you were in it for a fantasy for yourself. This isn’t grade three. We aren’t all required to be best friends and hold hands. This is life. This is real life. I am a real fucking person.
Do I actually make friendships on MFC? Yeah! I do. I have made friends over the site that I can be myself with, that I enjoy talking to off MFC, that I feel comfortable with and that I do, in fact, click with. They’re not always my highest tippers. They’re not always people that come visit me every single show. There’s no algorithm to Being My Friend – there’s just you, who you genuinely are, and me, who I genuinely am, and if those two things match up, then hey, we might get along. If they don’t, then they don’t. Trying to change yourself to be someone’s friend is a disservice to you. There are amazing things about pretty much everyone. I’ve met hundreds of super nice, well meaning, awesome and friendly people in my twenty some odd years of having to interact with humans, and I don’t have hundreds of fucking friends. I can honestly say I maintain close, real friendships with less than ten people total.I’ve even ended friendships that I used to have with awesome people for no real reason!! ! !! This is not a dating sim. You can’t collect Connection Points to plug into Cam Model Who U Like so you’ll be Best Internet Friends Forever. You can tip to make me smile or laugh, you can buy things to help me pay my bills and live a rad life, and you can share the fun times I do my best to orchestrate while I’m live streaming, but beyond that is where reality lies.
In my perfect fantasy world, members use MFC to their benefit. They use the extra sugary sweet camgirl attention to build self confidence, to work on people skills, to boost morale, and of course, to have a good time. If I could choose the impact I had on every member it would hands down be to inspire those kinds of positive changes: to inspire members to get out of the fantasy world and try their hand at the real one, to educate members that they’re more capable than they think they are, and to put a smile on a member’s face when they had a tough time finding a smile elsewhere. That’s my fantasy and while it plays out every once in a while, I’m reminded lately that this is not always the case. Some members do not benefit from MFC. Some members do not grow more confident, they do not feel inspired to get out there and adventure on their own, and through getting to know me they don’t accept that I’m not a magical anime angel princess – they just get frustrated when their fantasy timeline doesn’t pan out like they thought it would.
This isn’t a story. I’m not a character. If the interaction between you and me is hindering you and not allowing you to grow, close the laptop and work on yourself, because obviously what I have to offer isn’t doing it for you.
One more time for the people in the back row:
I’m a real person. I have real feelings that can’t be purchased, or even necessarily earned by the amount of time you spend with me. I offer what I offer and if that’s not enough for you, you should move on.